Pasko sa Walong Patong

Una, salamat sa aming mga bossing, Meric at Deng, sa isang di makakalimutang salu-salo para ipagdiwang ang Pasko sa Walong Patong. Nakakaaliw, at nakakabaliw. Inumpisahan kasi ni Manong Cab Driver na feeling close na nakikipagkulitan habang tinatahak namin ang Edsa. Ang unang stop, sa Global Fun.

Medyo nabitin nga lang kami ng kaunti kasi hanggang 12mn lang pala sila noong Huwebes, e 1030p na kami nakarating. At dahil gustong sulitin, namputsa, una naming sinakyan 'yung Ranger! Susme, para akong nakasakay sa isang palakol na iwinawasiwas ng isang makulit na troll!

Free as a bird naman ang feeling ko sa giant swing. Kaso, hindi okey yung hangin. Para bang may hindi natapos na mwss project sa tapat. Hay, superb na sana...


Tapos, pumila sila sa Flipper. Doon, nag-pass ako. Nakikita ko pa lang na para silang mga hilong tea bag na iniikot ikot at iniitsa kaliwa't kanan, nahihilo na ko.


At matapos namin silang panooring hilo, overlooking the MOA compound sakay ng giant ferris wheel (na dapat pala nagdala kami ng kape't tinapay para nasulit ang sakay) naman ang naging next round.

Kakatuwa. Kakahilo. Kakabitin.





Kaya, sugod ang 8liens sa Pier 1. Pakabusog lang. Pakalango din.

Kasarap ng crispy pata dun. At after mabusog, (at mabitin sila sa SML), balik office kami. At hindi na sa 218, o sa 703. Officially, 503 & 501 na ang unit number ng office namin. At di na sa AIC (hmm, namimiss kaya kami ni Jonna? at ng mga guards, at ng mga cashiers sa 711?). Nasa Remco Tower na pala kami.

Amuy pintura (yung kulay orange) pa yung mga dingding kaya siguro na-high kami sa saya ng Christmas party namin. At heto ang mga ibidinsya.













Yep yep... we were a bunch of 8liens so enjoying the 21st-22nd day of December in an 8layeriffic way knowing full well that when it's party time, it's crazy party time. And when it's work time, party time is just around the corner. =)

A biggie toast to 2008!

Likas na Panggabi

Ginagabi na naman ako. Bakit kasi naumpisahan ko pa tong Jericho. Malay ko ba na ke ganda nito. Umpisa pa nga lang, na hook na ko. Heto, third episode na. Pangatlong oras ko na ring hindi maumpisahan ‘tong gusto kong gawin. sabi ko kasi, habang nanonood, iuupdate ko tong manual ni POS. Pero nasa Jericho ang utak ko.

Hehe, heto, pang-fourth episode na pala. At hindi na ‘ko ginagabi. Mukang uumagahin na ko. Siyempre, hindi ko naman gusto na mabitin. Tsaka naubos ko na ata ang tulog ko. Pagkagaling ko kasi sa breakfast kanina (naglipat nga pala kami ng office buong gabi), plakda na ko. At alas-onse na ng gabi nang magising ako.

Actually, nagising naman ako ng mga 4pm kaso sa sobrang cramps, nakatulog ulit. At pagkagising ko nga, dahil tulog na sila lahat, isinalang ko nga tong Jericho.

At alas dos na pala ng umaga. Hindi pa rin ako inaantok. As if aantukin pa ko nito.

Ang Mga Hindi Dapat Iniisip

Hindi ko raw dapat isipin na pangit ang araw ngayon. Sabagay, tama naman. Madali kasi akong maapektuhan ng at makaapekto sa mga taong nasa paligid ko kaya wala akong karapatang magpakita ng pagliligalig.

Pero sino ba naman ang mag-iisip ng maganda? Lumindol na nga, tapos bumabagyo pa. Maganda ba yun? Isabay ko pang hanggang ngayon e hindi man lang ako nakakagawa pa ng hakbang para mapalitan yung mga IDs at cards na laman ng nawala kong wallet. Tapos nagkwento pa si kuya manong na ayaw na niyang bumalik sa skul. Haay, buyay nga naman, parang parking lot. Kung kailan gusto mo ng space, tsaka ang hirap hanapin.

At kung kailan naman asang-asa ka na wala ka ng mapaglalagyan e tsaka pala maluwag. Pero nakakalungkot pa rin. Kasi wala pala yung mga akala mong magiging kasabayan sa arangkada. Nag-iba na sila ng parking space. Mas gusto nila dun sa free parking. O dun sa covered parking. O sa may valet parking. O sa No Parking.

Sabagay, baka ambisyosya lang ako. Wala naman kasing parking slot para sa akin kasi wala naman akong sasakyan.

Pero wag ka, dalawang beses na kong nahuhuli ng pulis sa loob ng dalawang buwan. Isang No Left turn at isang No U-turn violation. Pero dahil parehong malapit ng maghapunan nung mga oras na ‘yon, ke dali nilang kausap. Boink boink nga yung inaaruga kong moralidad. Kaso wala talaga akong lisensya. At di ko naman maisurender yung plaka ng kutsicar kasi hindi naman akin. Hayko!

Tapos sisingit pa sa utak ko na may nagpapatigil sa king magtrabaho. Hihi. Kasi gusto niyang magwork ako para sa kanya. Hehe. Para daw gumanda ang takbo ng buhay ko. Haha! Teka, ganun na ba ko kagulo? Huhu? O ganun kalaki ang tiwala niya sa akin? Hmm. Kawawa naman si Gugey kung ganon. Haha ulit!

Tapos may nagtanong sa kin kung paano malalaman ang kaibhan ng crush at love.

At nakatutok ako sa palabas na Kung Ako Ikaw na center of attention ang aking center of phobia. Inadobo pa nga e.

Susme. Naubos na naman ang gabi ko. Hindi pa rin ako inaantok.

Binuno ko pa naman ang bagyo para lang makauwi ng maaga. Namimiss ko na kasing katabi si Dolphyn. Naku, kelangan na rin nitong mapa-dry clean. Pati si Kerber.

Pati ako.

Dysphemism

I haven't blogged in a while. David and Sarah seem to be lounging off somewhere in the wintry part of my left brain. Even Lakeisha has been waylaid by my incessant need to put her story off (even when my fingers are itching to type her dialogues night after night).

It's not about not having time. I believe I have my own time machine to brag about. I can turn mornings into evenings and vice versa. In fact, it's not about time. It's subtle persuasion. I haven't listened to myself lately. Or rightly put, I am my own worst listener.

But when it's not me talking, they can rattle on and over, and I'd digest every syllable.

Nonetheless, it's funny how I can easily rewind a moment of utter nonsense discussion and just as effortlessly forget a critical request.

So what fails me? Or maybe, the monstrous unwanted question is, who?

Or there's no need to ask such a pedantic question. The only thing that's given is Me.

Yet again, I desperately want to rule out my last sentence. Self-abusive emotions have driven me to a point of not differentiating sympathy from empathy, listening from paying attention, thinking from focusing, planning from prioritizing.

And the answer to my failing question leads me back to long ago.

A friend hit it right in the node. In fact, she commented at it for all the blogger readers to see putting butter when I should be getting axle grease.

A bit optimistic for her, I should say. She just gave me my prognosis. It was so sound a proof that I can't find any error. In fact, I have an overdose of optimism myself sedating me to overlook what's staring right in my face. A high dosage of resiliency also obliterated the way people would have regard me.

If that's an edge, it's not working. But currently, it's my fallback.

Just the same that it's my rage. My fallacy. My despair.

kabuluhan

isa ito sa mga napagmunihan ko sa piling ni makiling... para sa ibang pang wala lang, bisitahin lamang si walang malay.

huwag kang mag-alala
naiintindihan ko
kung buong puso mong
ipadama na ako’y
walang halaga

sa tuwina
sa pagtatama ng mga mata
naaaninag ko ang iyong
pangamba

kaya’t nauunawaan ko
kung bakit
gusto mong
umiwas
ngunit hindi ang
lumayo

makalimot
upang mapunan

masaktan
ng higit na makaramdam

upang patuloy kang
manabik
na ako’y
ipagtabuyan
upang ako’y
maipagsanggalang.

kaya’t
nakikiusap ako
huwag kang
magpaliwanag

sapat na sa aking
marinig
ang mga katagang
hindi mo
mabigkas.

That Thing Called Flattery

He said it was supposed to be a compliment. But coming from someone without control of his full senses, how would I know if he really meant it?

This was the question posed by an overbearingly intoxicated human being whom I envied for quite a long time. She, of all people, bore now the suffering of being called "in love".

In fact, she said, it was an understatement. She called herself a stupid lunatic fool in hopeless romantic pursuit of unmitigated passion. Her feelings haunt her like the ghosts of the Christmas verb tenses. She has lost her willpower to overcome it. All futile, she added. She can't deny that it's happening. She can but accept that this is her curse. Her last resort to save her remaining vestige of sanity is to plead guilty.

And she withered in front of me as a child would when a favorite toy is taken away.

I stared vehemently at nothingness as I refilled my glasses hoping that I could at least empathize. Yet I, too, felt scared. Even repulsed at the thought of me feeling scared. I could tell her a hundred and one pages of my own madness left unstirred by restraint and logic.

She looked at me, almost imploringly. And in the midst of all her sobs, she smiled sympathetically at me. I didn't hear her at first and she had to ask again, "Your tears, are those for me or are you the same stupid lunatic fool?"

I couldn't admit it at first. I didn't know. All I feel was a tight knot engulfing every twinge of panic beats within me. And I tasted salt. I, too, was crying.

Basta Oo!

Ang dali kong napa-oo samantalang dati, bago ako sumagot, kailangan walang nasasagasaan na trabaho o kahit personal committment.

Pero kanina, ewan ko ba, um-oo kagad ako. Siguro dahil ang tagal ko ng hindi nakakatanggap ng text o tawag mula sa kanya kaya isang aya lang, sama na! Walang gatol, walang pagdadalawang isip.

Ngayon ko tuloy naisip na baka bumulagta na ako sa pagod. Bukas kasi, este memya, kailangan kong tapusin yung manual para sa pos applix. Tas bili ako gift para kay Ditse kasi birthday niya ng a-uno. Magsisimula na rin kaming gumawa ng floral arrangements para sa Undas. Pero nakasagot ako na tatao sa Sizzlers buong araw bukas. Doon din kasi magpipickup ng bulaklak yung mga umorder sa min.

At sa Biyernes, matapos ang ilang taon, aakyat ako ulit ng bundok. Ang nakakatawa, yun nga, basta um-oo lang ako. Walang tanung-tanong kung saan at kung ga'no kataas yung aakyatin namin. Basta gusto ko lang. Siguro kasi wala ako sa sarili ko. Napagalitan kasi ako sa office. Dami ko kasing backlog. Puro umpisa, pero hindi ko pa natatapos. Masarap sana, ang daming bago. Pero ang dami ding kasing commercial sa trabaho. Kaya kanina, hayun, the invitation was a welcome deviation. Kahit pa isang milenyo na kong hindi man lang nag-eexercise, isa lang ang pumasok sa isip ko. Bagong lugar. Bagong kasama. Kahit man lang isang araw.

Haay! Buhay pa naman siguro ko pagdating ng Sabado kasi itutuloy namin yung napack-up na MTV shoot ng kasal ni bespren.

Susulitin ko na lang malamang ang pahinga sa Linggo.

At kung sakaling humihinga pa nga ako sa Lunes, kailangan ko ng isang epektibong strategy para magawa ko na ang mga gusto kong gawin sa buhay.

Hmm, sa bundok ko na lang mumuni-munihin kung pano. Mahabahabang akyatin din naman yon. Good luck na rin sa 'kin!

Ang Araw ng Eleksyon At Iba Pa

Nakakaaliw. Ang dami kong nakahalubilo ngayong araw na 'to. Pakiramdam ko, isa akong hitchhiker--pumara, sumakay at nagbabay hanggang makarating sa huling destinasyon.

Barangay at SK elections ngayon. Nagamit ko na naman ang aking right to suffrage kahit tatlo't kalahati lang ang kakilala sa mga aspirante. Ayon sa aking last update sa COMOLLECT, isa't kalahati lang sa binoto ko ang pinalad (o minalas) na manalo.

Pagkatapos naming bumoto, kasabay na akong lumuwas ni Atenggot. Ibinaba nya ko sa Balintawak para doon naman sumakay ng taxi para sa aking next destination: Wedding MTV shoot ng aking bespren noong kolehiyo. Sa UP Lagoon kami nagshoot. Nakakamiss nga yung lugar kasi noong kapanahunan ko sa unibersidad, shortcut ko lang ang lagoon pag papunta ako ng gym mula AS. Haha! Masipag pa kasi akong maglakad noon.

After namin sa lagoon, dumiretso kami ng CHR para sa next location shoot. Kaso bumigay yung battery ng camera. Kaya pack-up muna. Sa Sabado, may call slip ulit ang mga bida.

Next stop, KFC Katips. Inilabas kasi ng bosing ko yung kanyang mga tsikiting. At dahil nasa vicinity naman, nakisawsaw na rin ako sa pagiging tsikiting. Sarap kayang kasama nung mga bata. Sila yung tipong mga bata na isip matanda. Feeling ko nga, nagmature ako ng tatlong porsyento habang nakikinig sa palitan nila ng kurukuro at alaskahan.

Matapos mabusog ng mga tsikiting, nagpunta kami ng Dangwa. Doon ko naman kasi imi-meet ang huli kong appointment for the day. Nakaugalian kasi namin for the past 4 years na tumanggap ng flower arrangements tuwing Undas. Kaya ako, kahit hindi na gaanong nag-aalok, may nakakaalala pa ring umorder sa kin.

Mahabang lakaran, siksikan at tawaran ang nangyari sa pasilyo ng Dos Castillas. Na natapos sa pagbababay namin sa harap ng Quiapo Church para naman sumakay ng jip pauwi.

At bago ko pa mabuksan ang pinto, isa pang kaulayaw ang nanghingi ng kuru-kuro sa selepono habang ang isa nama'y nagbanggit ng pagkalito.

Nakakaaliw ang araw ko. Sa sampung sakay-salin, limang beses akong nag-hello at nag-goodbye sa limang grupo ng tao. Sa loob ng wala pang dose oras, tatlong bagong mukha ang nakilala ko, anim na tsikiting ang nagpagunita na masarap ang buhay, pitong kaibigan ang muli kong nakahuntahan, at apat na matalik na kaibigan ang nagpaalala na kahit paano'y ako'y may halaga.

Hindi ko pa nabilang doon sina Ama at Inang, Ate at Ditse, Gugey at Janpot...

Hindi ko na rin binilang yung mga kababaryo kong nagkalat sa labas ng Mababang Paaralan ng Malibong Matanda na walang alam tanungin sa buhay ko kundi ang iniilagan kong mga katanungan--kung kailan daw ako mag-aasawa, kung may bf na ba ako, kung dalaga pa ba... Syempre, depende sa tanong ang sagot ko. Ang sabi ko, mag-aasawa ako pero pagkatapos na ng eleksyon, yung bf ko may gf na kaya hindi pwede, at futek, DALAGA AKO HINDI BINATA!

Buti na lang, all's well that ends well. Bukas, balik trabaho. Wala ng nakakaaliw na sakay-salin. Pero tiyak, marami ulit na makakahalubilo. Sa Walong Patong kasi, ang isang tao, katumbas tatlo.

Kung gusto mo lang naman...

Naghahanap nga pala ang kumpanya namin ng mga kadaupang isip. Kung interesado ka o may naiisip kang magiging interesado, feel free to disseminate. Here's our advert:

You might have landed on this page accidentally, by mere curiosity, by sheer luck, or by pure incessant need to torture yourself because you want a job where the working environment defines and defies normalcy as caffeine-sustenance, night modes, deadliest deadlines, spontaneous sweats and effortless best.

But if you are willing to be a part of the 8layer Team, you must be:

(a) a fresh graduate or a tech novice starving for tangible and applicable learning/ training and wanting to make a difference not only to your own self but to others;

(b) an experienced IT guy or gal who is hungry for what's right and challenging, and again, spell a whole lot difference; or,

(c) an individual with high regard to doing things right and easy, and in these times that spells a great deal of difference.

You can still change your mind. Of course, there are lots of high paying jobs that let you do nothing but grow old and secure.

But if you are still reading along these lines, then you can still get fully rewarded and compensated while doing the more essential things--and feel young yet mature. You need to be in so you would understand what we mean.

So much for the buzz... We need YOU!

Tell us about how OPEN SOURCE opened your mind then fit your qualifications in any of these areas:

• Marketing and Sales
• Programming
• Linux Solutions
• Creatives and Design
• Software and Hardware Support

Attach your resume (resumes are the last thing we read, but they're a good starting point) and email us at info@8layertech.com or call 706.05.01 to 02 for interview schedule.

Ang Paghihintay

Sarap dito. Para akong may sariling mundo. Walang iniisip, walang kinakausap, walang pinakikinggan. Kailangang sulitin. Apat na oras ko lang tong malalasap. Malamig ang aircon, tapos bawat poste dito may outlet... at may lan (wala nga lang cable). Sige na nga, kaya siguro mahal ang matrikula dito kasi pwede kang magsaksak ng kahit anong gusto mong isaksak basta 220v. Mas sulit lalu na kung may wi-fi sana.

Anyway, buti na lang kanina, nagbago ang isip ko. Balak ko na talagang umuwi kasi ang dami kong bitbit. Pero naulinigan ko kasi na pwedeng maghintay doon sa Gate 2. So lakad ako sa Gate 2 bitbit ang laptop ko, backpack at paperbag ni Gugey (Gigay to all, Gugey to me).

Ayun nga pala. Kaya pala ko andito sa air conditioned study/waiting/lobby hall ng mga berdeng namamana kasi mageentrance exam si Gugey. Itatry daw nya kung makakalusot sya dito in case na hindi sya makalusot doon.

Kaya heto ako, ang mabait at maaasahang tita. Instant abay ngayong hapon. Buti nga pumayag si bespren atorni na next week na lang namin gawin yung mtv shoot para sa kasal nya, or else...else.

At kaya mas napasarap pa ang pagtambay ko dito kasi may bago akong kasama at kaulayaw. Ang saya! Hindi nakakasawa. Actually, siya pa rin yung dati, kaso ang laki ng nabago sa kanya. Kumbaga, yung panlabas niyang anyo, siya pa rin. Pero ang kaloob-looban nya, halos lahat nabago. Para ba siyang bagong labas sa retreat house. Same outside, but inside, he's free, open and significantly brighter. Nakakahawa yung lightness nya. Parang ang dali niyang kilalanin at kausapin. Siguro kasi lahat ng "fantastic" pinagsamasama na dito sa laptop ko. At Linux! Linux! Tapos nilalaro ko na yung Gimp. At terminal gamit ko sa restart (reboot) at shutdown (poweroff). Hehehe. Achievement! Yet, ang babaw pa nito.

Pero nakakatuwa. Para kong bata na matapos masugatan sa pakikipagagawan ng kendi at awayin ng mga kalaro eh uuwing may nakaabang na pasalubong na hulahoop. (Namimiss ko na kasing maghulahoop...)

So heto, 3 hours to go. Maghuhulahoop... este i-oorganize ko lang ang mga pinagbabackup kong files. Tas memya, try kong magsaksak ng DVD at tapusin ang season 1 ng Grey's Anatomy. Tas paglabas ni Gugey, try naming maghanap ng Full Season ng House.

Para kasing gusto kong magdoctor. Haha!

David's Sling 04

I miss you most of all.

These words of David's echoed in my mind making my emotions more battered than ever. The sentence should have filled me to the brim, yet I felt hallow as ever.

I was still fighting back tears when an impatient horn blast from a car behind me drowned out the rest of self-pity. It put me back right where I am. Behind the wheel.

The light had changed. For the next few minutes I drove without sense of where I was really going. Feeling stupid again. Being David-stupid made me missed my turn. I pulled over the curb and just sat there with the motor running.

No, I can't do this. How in the world would I sit there and watch while David asks Janice to be his wife?

For sure, my jaw and cheeks would ache from all the pretense of smiling and laughing. The real ache then would come when Janice accepts David's proposal. And that, that would be monumental pain.

No, I can't do this!

Dizzyingly, I fished my cellphone from my handbag and dialled David's number.

He answered it in no time. There was smile in his voice. It became tinged with regret when he heard I couldn't stand witness to his "special moment" with Janice.

"So your boss is squeezing every last minute's worth of your time tonight before he takes a week leave..." was David's summation of my alibi.

"Yeah, he is," I replied.

My thoughts wandered at the neatly piled files on my table and list of to-do's which my boss had dictated earlier that afternoon. He could have been happily packing for all I know.

"You know what?" David suddenly brightened up. "You deserve a vacation, too. You've been working too hard."

"Since you mentioned that, I guess I'll have one."

"And where would you want to go?"

David's question tickled my fancy which abruptly evaporated when David blurted, "There's someone at the door. Janice is here! I should go. You take care, Sarah. Bye!"

And there, behind the wheel, I uttered my answer to David's question.

As long as there is sun...

Slowly, I felt hot tears trickled down my face.

As long as there is sun.

NBN, Breaklunch, Proposals, etc.

I have a weakness for government issues. I can't explain why. Maybe it's because my penchant lies on hard-to-imagine things like the wonders of the universe. Haha!

I remember, a few weeks after my birthday (my birthday wish then was to be abreast with what's happening around me! now you know! that's why I can't tell, it sounds so uncool, right?), I read about PGMA's visit to give a keynote speech in a conference in China.

My "Wow, that's our President!" was later replaced by "Oh, no! That's our President..." when the newswriter in passing mentioned that PGMA secured almost a billion dollar contract for a broadband network... Hey, that was sometime April, just right before the elections!

And now, that contract has reached inquisition at the Senate. I heard it this afternoon on TV (heard because our Ch4 reception is so bad, we have to put faces on the voices ourselves). While ear-watching the senate inquiry, Ateng was taking notes, typing a letter, browsing the net and smsing someone and I, so busy too devouring my breaklunch (woke up late again!).

Suddenly, it occured to me... Just yesterday, we had a staff meeting. One of the bosses mapped how to go about a project. From the initial proposal to closing it to providing support.

The NBN contract... I wonder...

How did they do it? Who presented what? What is offered to whom? What IS the OFFER?

And why invoke the executive privilege?

Can't help but think how gargantuan the difference of the government process to our humble 8layer's.

My sanity left me just a while back. I'm doing a proposal, and it's for a branch of government.

The last time that we engaged in a bid, we were "turned down".

And here we are again, taking chances, hoping that somehow, this time, they can see the right difference.

Those I Missed No Longer

As soon as I stepped out of my friend's car, I had no iota how happy I was. The rain had just stopped but there were drizzles still. I didn't mind.

The night was dark, the path was muddy.

I stepped in a puddle, and still, I walked on not minding that the edges of my favorite pair of pants were clingingly wet and slimy on my ankles.

I guess I was smiling when Jecjec and Jocjoc growled, which became excited barks as I came nearer our front door.

I am Home!

An hour before, I was on a bus which I spent looking out the window, unconsciously mindful of the giant billboards along Edsa and NLEX. These, I thought, causes visual pollution. But I was too busy whiling the time to even bring that out to my companion. Then, she asked why I seemed so far away. Without a blink, I recited the advertisement on the streamer that we passed by. Then, she slept on.

A text message nudged me out of reverie. It was from one of my Kuyas. He said he'd wait on us, anyway, he was also waiting for his wife. So we hitched our way to hometown.

It was a lively ride where, in the middle of it, I also received a call from my brother. He told me that "XXX" was featuring the modus operandi that victimized me a few months back. Well the story was, I parked my sister's car along Aurora corner Gilmore and when I got back, the rear window was in smithereens, and my laptop, gone.

Anyway, the trip back home abound of what has been happening since my troop of friends decided to put up the small resto. Tomorrow, I mean, today, at 6am, we're officially in business!

Oh how I missed my friends! But I have to wait till this morning to see them and the place. They've sweated so much to put it up--from planning to finally having the "house blessing" just that afternoon. My meager contribution was naming our business, V5 Sizzlers and Stuffs. Aside from laying out an initial plan of SOS, SOSME and SOSYAL business phasing.

Putting up the resto is a risky big leap considering that our town is a sleeping town where almost everybody is dead to the world by 10pm--except us, I think, who spends until way past midnight when we're together--dvd time, mahjong, videoke, food trips...

But then, the resto is just the start of things to come. No need for "wait and see". It's not me. I hate long waits. I tend to lose patience. Maybe that's why I rather live in the present.

And presently, I'm home. A while back, I couldn't contain how moved I was when my mom's first greeting was, "Are you hungry? Dinner's waiting." Her smile was contagious. It always is. Hers is one of the smiles that infects me no matter what mood I'm in.

My dad's first words totally blew me out: "Let me take a look at my favorite daughter and see if she's changed." The next thing I knew, I was faking a model's pose. Dad was laughing, and mom, shaking her head in giggles.

And I knew then why I didn't mind the drizzles, the puddle, the muddy stains--

I am finally home, sweetly home.

Mga Hindi Ko Alam

Pahinga muna. Blog muna. May refresher readings kasi ako na may kaugnayan sa batas pero hindi naman tungkol sa batas. Refresher kasi naalala ko noong nag-"OJT" ako kay Manong Alcala sa korte kung saan dinidinig ang mga kaso ng mga opisyal ng gobyerno.

Kaya buzzstop muna. Napaisip. Nadaanan ko na kasi yung proseso na dapat e bubutingtingin ko para mabasa ng madalian ng mga 8liens. So pakiramdam ko, madali ko lang makukuha ang gist. Pero magkaibang area kasi ang NOON at NGAYON. Ang akala ko na alam ko, hindi ko pa pala gaanong alam. Ang daming bago. Napayosi tuloy ako... at nakapagtimpla ng matapang na kape.

At heto, natanong ko na naman ang pinakamadalas kong kausap, si ako. Ano pa ba ang HINDI KO ALAM? Gusto kong masagot to siyempre connected kasi sa paghahabol kong maging Einstein at hindi Engengstein ng Walong Patong.

Yun.

Sagot ng kausap ko, tatlong bagay lang.

Una. At marami ako nito, hindi ko alam 'yung mga hindi naituro sa akin. Ito 'yung mga bagay na hindi ko nahagilap sa loob ng classroom since kindergarten. O simula't sapul, hindi ko natutunan. Halimbawa, magsalita ng Indian, magpiloto, magLinux, magviolin...

Ikalawa, eto, madalas ko tong gamitin... na sasabihin kong hindi ko alam pero ang totoo, wala kasi doon ang hilig o interes, o talagang may kabobohan lang, pero kahit paano, may alam ng kaunti pero sasabihin ko pa ring "hindi ko alam" para wala ng pilitan. Halimbawa, manahi, magtipid, magsalita sa harap ng maraming tao, magsalita sa kahit hindi maraming tao, magsales talk.

Ikatlo, at ito ang nakakatakot. Ito yung mga bagay na dapat ay alam ko, pero hindi pala. Mga tamang kalimot, kamalian, maling akala.
Iniiyakan ko to dati. Ehrmm, hanggang ngayon naman. Halimbawa? Naku, aaminin ko mga katangahan ko? Gowdnis! Noo!

But on second thought, hmm. Halimbawa, kanina... Ang alam ko, ang alam ko talaga, naibalik ko sa "japot" profile yung setting ng cellphone ko. Meaning, hindi siya naka-silent. Pero nagkamali ako. Mali ang alam ko. Naka-silent pala siya. Kaya naman nang magtext ang mga bosing ko, late ko na nabasa. Dalawang errand tuloy ang hindi ko nasunod.

Tapos, heto nga, nagbabasa ako ng may kaugnayan sa batas pero hindi tungkol sa batas. Sabi ko, alam ko na to. Pero kulang. So hindi ko pa talaga alam.

Kaya kailangan ng masinsinang pagintindi. Marubrob na pagunawa.

Pero kailangan ko naman ito sa lahat ng bagay.

Para maintindihan at maunawaan din ako.

Doon sa Walong Patong

Sa Walong Patong, doon 'yung opisina kung saan ako naging malaya--malayang makinig at pakinggan, magsalita at pagalitan, umamoy ng utot at sabihing ambantot, tumawa, magpatawa, umiyak, magpaiyak, kumanta, kumendeng, maghintay, hintayin, malasing, magsuka, mangutang, magpautang, ilibre, manlibre, at peborit, magsulat. Ikaw ba naman ang swelduhan habang ginagawa mo ang gusto mong gawin sa buhay?

Malaking change nga lang para sa 'kin. Kasi nahaluan ng teknikal. Masayang-malungkot. Masaya kasi bagong tuklas. Malungkot kasi nababagalan ako. Yung mga kasama ko kasi sa Walong Patong, pumupulandit ang kadalubhasaan. Mga abnormal ata. Ke bibilis! Parang lahat sila, may lakad. Pakiramdam ko, tipong mga emeritus na sila, ako, waitlisted pa rin sa kolehiyo. Mga batikan kasi--di naman mga dalmatians. Ewan ko ba. Siguro dahil ninuno nila si Einstein...

Si Grand Weinstein.

Sabi ko:
Engrande talaga ang taong to. Kahit kulang ng isang tiklado (di ko lang alam kung nawala o namisplace) kumpleto pa rin ang escala. Kahit missing in action yung isang key, nasa tono pa rin. Ke husay pa rin ng lumalabas na tunog basta tumugtog na si Grand Weinstein--name it, keyboard ng piano o kahit keyboard ng kompyuter. Sa sobrang bait nga lang, pinamigay niya sa isang pasahero ng fx yung keyboard niya. Ngayon, naghahanap siya ng mabait ring magbibigay ng kapalit nung pinamigay niyang keyboard.

Sabi niya:
Isa akong tigre. Trainer ko si Liz.

Si Pangk Einstein.

Sabi ko:
Itong isang to, malufet. Ka-wonder-twin power ata to ni Catwoman. Nine lives. Understudy din sya ni Wolverine. Ala eh, may self-healing powers. Di kaya alien discovery ni Sitchin? Malamang! Hindi normal ang katauhan nito e. Kasi kung naging programming language ang e=mc2, tiyak sisiw lang to sa kanya. Baka nga i-rap pa niya 'yung mga codes, kahit nakapikit. Partida, nahihilo pa yan! Kaso matigas talaga ang ulo. Wala kasing kinikilalang trainer. Ay, meron pala. Si Wittdengstein.

Sabi niya:
Basta huwag lang Math!

Si Wittdengstein.

Sabi ko:
Maluluma ang mga bago dito. At babaguhin niya ang mga luma. Kahit kasi saan mo ilagay, di ka mapapalagay. Siya yung tipong taong lalabasan ka sa pakikipagtalastasan. Dual personality to. Siya lang ang introverted na extrovert. Nagmellow na pala siya. Dati kasi, kahit mellow na, di mo pa rin ma-touch. Pero ngayon, mellow o hindi, tumatawa na. Halakhak pa nga! May kasama pang gimme five! Tapos tsaka ka niya papatulugin sa mala-adarnang lalalala. Ibang klase.

Sabi niya:
It's my fault! ... Why? Bakit?

Si Tatay Einstein.

Sabi ko:
Sa kanya nagmana si Pangk Einstein. Lulugo lugo na, pula pang mata, di na makaamoy ng utot, di na makagulapay, naku, kaulayaw pa rin si laftaf. At magpoprogram pa. At magtetraining pa. At magtotroubleshoot pa. At magboblog pa. Kakaiba sa lahat ng mga kakaibang nilalang! Pero pag nasa 100 porsyento ng kanyang lakas, imaginin mo na lang ang kaya niyang gawin! Kaya ko ngang itaya yosi ko na kaya niyang pagsabaying magbaketsbol at maglinux ng sabay. Kahit may hawak pang beer.

Sabi niya:
Bawal magkasakit! Linux. Linux!

Kaya nga minsan, natatanong ko na lang ang sarili ko. Nasaan na ang mga normal na tao? Tiyak di isa dun si Clarenstein. Abnormal sa busog yun e. Si Nildenstein, naku, magnonormalize lang 'yung pag hinainan ng kanin. Susme, e ilang minuto lang, ubos 'yon. Hindi rin si Rositenstein, sigurado. Sa kamay at dighay pa lang, tukoy na! Lalong hindi si Henyo. Futek, e pangalan pa nga lang, magpupruweba pa ba?

Kaya nga di ko talaga masagot...nasaan ang mga normal na tao? Tapos sasagot si Jaja 2 at Jaja 3. Sabay. In unison. Together. For sure, wala sa Walong Patong.

Shemas, wala pala kong kakampi. Ako na lang pala ang balanse.

Olive Oil o Spinach?

Pasado alas-kwatro na ko nakarating ng office kanina.

Hindi naman alibi na puyat at may hangover ako. 'Yung mga bossing ko nga, tiyak mas pagod pa sa kin. Actually, lahat naman kami inumaga na paguwi. Ang saya at ang kulet kasi ng gig ng DeKada sa 70s Bistro.

Pero napasarap din kasi ako ng tulog sa aking hideout. Salamat na rin sa makapangyarihang boses na nagtaboy sa kin. Kahit nagpipilit ang three little indians na ampunin ako sa mahiwaga nilang lungga, nangibabaw pa rin 'yung "umuwi ka na lang". E di uwi. Tulog. Napahaba nga. Nakumpleto ko 'yung 8 hours. Siguro aabot 'yun ng half-day kung walang gumising ng iyak sa akin sa phone. Ramdam ko pa nga pati brssst nya.

Ang bilis talaga ng sagot ni Lord! Three weeks ago kasi, buong linggo akong naging spongebabe. Araw-araw, iba-ibang luha ang pinagpilitan kong patahanin. The week that followed, every other day naman. Last Friday, nakapagtanong tuloy ako, "Lord, bakit wala akong kliyente? Okay na ba sila? Wala na bang kong tear ducts na lilinisin? Magaan kasi ako pag may napapagaan akong iba."

Selfish reasons. Sabi nga ni Ayn Rand, selfishness is a virtue. Wataymin is, I tend to advise them what "I" want to hear.

Kaya nga ito ang summation ng payo ko kay caller number 2 ng magkita kami sa esem:

Baka naman pinapagod mo lang si Popeye? Your choice, be Olive Oil but don't expect him to always be there when you need help. Or be his Spinach, his source of strength and inspiration.

Yun lang, ang tanong niya, "Sino, ba mas gusto ni Popeye, si Olive Oil o ang Spinach?"

Nag-hang ako. Pero sigurado, hindi si Brutus.

Niwey, sabi ko sa kanya, "You're making your own reasons for crying."

Totoo naman. Ito kasing kaibigan ko, nagdevise siya ng way para daw malaman niya kung talagang mahal siya ng kanyang sinta. Gaga talaga. Kung kelan may date na ang kasal!

Kung ano man 'yung nangyari, hindi ko na sasabihin. Basta nagbigay lang ako ng rejoinder. Para sa akin kasi, una pa lang, mali na 'yung ginawa nya. Hindi naman kasi microchip ang puso na kailangang pumasa sa sangkatutak na QC para malaman kung papasa ba sa sanglibong standards.

Simple lang. Kung gagawin ni Olive Oil na career ang pagsigaw ng "Help!" at maging batayan yon kung siya pa rin ang lavadoo ni Popeye, pwede naman.

Hindi ko naman sinasabing kayanin lahat ang problema, o wag magtitiwala sa mga pulis at bumbero.

Ang sa kin lang, pano kung sabay silang sumisigaw ng "help"?

Scenario lang naman 'yung binigay ko. Kung papanong magiging makatotohanan 'yon, siya ng bahala.

Sabi ko nga, mas mainam kung siya si Olive Oil na maghahain kay Popeye ng Spinach. At para effortless, dapat may baon siya laging can opener.

Siyempre, napaisip din ako. Pano na lang si Brutus?

Pano nga?

Lighthouse

May nagtanong sa 'kin dati kung takot daw ba akong mamatay. Ang yabang pa ng sagot ko. Matter of factly. Sabi ko, hindi.

Pakiramdam ko nga, nasa beauty pageant ako nung tanungin nya. Iyon kasi 'yung mga tanong na kung iiskoran ng mga hurado ang sagot ko e makakatanggap ng 98.88%. Kumbaga, sa swimsuit competition na lang ako manganganib. Pero pwede pa namang makaalpas dun. Idedeclare ko lang na sa kultong kinasasalihan ko, bawal magpakita ng kuyukot ang mga babae sa publiko.

Napaisip tuloy ako noon. Naghalukay ng mga sitwasyon na tipong nag-life or death ako.

Noong bata pa ako, napagtripan kong maglaro sa ibabaw ng lamesang kinukumpuni ng anluwagin namin. Tapos binaliktad niya 'yung lamesa. Hayun, kasama akong tumaob. Nagkamalay ako noon, nakasakay na ako sa kotse at ginigising ako ng aking madir. Huwag daw akong matutulog. Kaso lumulutang ang pakiramdam ko noon. Nagising ako, may IV na ko sa braso.

Hindi ko na matandaan kung gaano ako katagal noon sa ospital. Ang pumagkit sa isip ko, nang malaman kong ididischarge na ko, nagmukmok ako sa may hagdan ng ospital. Ayoko pa kasing umuwi.

Noon namang nag-ermitanya (nagbuhay independent ika nga) ako for almost four months, dalawang scenario ng life or death ang naaalala ko. Nanonood ako noon ng vcd nang lumindol. Hindi naman ako natakot. Ang naisip ko pa nga, yupi tiyak ako dahil limang palapag yon, e nasa ground floor ako. Naririnig ko, may nagtatakbuhan na sa labas. Gusto ko nga silang sigawan na, "Hoy, magsibalik kayo sa mga lungga niyo! Magtago sa ilalim ng mesa! Kung hindi kayo mamamatay sa stampede, sa mga nagbabagsakang kawad ng meralco kayo matetepok!"

Ang kalmante ko pa noon. Ni hindi nga ako nagtago sa ilalim ng mesa. Ni-rewind ko pa nga 'yung vcd. Tapos nainis ako kasi ilang minuto lang, nawalan na ng kuryente.

Tapos minsan naman, sumumpong 'yung ulcer ko. Nagpass-out ako sa sobrang sakit. Nang magkamalay ako, ang pumasok naman sa isip ko, kung sakaling matutuluyan ako, walang makakaalam na nagpaalam na pala ako sa mundo. Ayun, binuksan ko 'yung mga bintana. Para kako kung sakali man, may makaamoy man lang sa 'kin.

'Yung latest, noong makipagsabayan kaming lumangoy sa mga Butanding sa Sorsogon. Pangatlong dive na namin noon pero walang thrill. Yung nakakajam kasi naming Butanding, pulos mga nahihiya. Sabi ko sa guide, "Kuya, puro buntot naman ang nakikita namin e!" Ayun, nang sumunod na senyas ni Kuya Guide, pagdive ko, face to face kami ni Butanding! At nakanganga pa siya! As in mouth open wide! Akala niya siguro, isa akong plankton.

Pakiramdam ko noon, lalamunin ako ng black hole na korteng spheroid. Nablangko ako noon. Nakalimutan kong huminga. Di ko nga rin naikawag yung flippers ko. Na-amaze ako. I was one with nature. At ang unang pumasok sa utak ko, "Putek, ang laking gilagid!"

Kung ilang metro ang layo ko sa Butanding, hindi ko alam. Mahina ako sa kalkulasyon. Basta hindi ko naman siya nasagi nang sabayan ko siyang lumangoy. Ang sarap! Kitang kita ko yung mga white spots pati yung mga maliliit na isda na nakikiangkas sa kanya.

Paglutang ko sa tubig, ngawit na ngawit ako. Ang layo na nga nung bangka namin. Pero nakangiti pa rin. It was an experience I consider near-death. Ipinadama sa akin ni Butanding.

I was numb. Then, I swam. And now, heto, nagpipilit pa ring lumutang sa mundo. Pagod, pero tuloy pa rin. Hindi pa kasi ako dumadaong. Umaasa pa rin, na sana, may makita na kong lighthouse. Bago ako magcollapse.

Dear Ateng

Dear Ateng,

Naalala mo nung nag-ym tayo tapos nakikipag-appointment ako para makahingi ng legal advice? Umoo ka nga agad. Hindi ka nga nagtanong kung tungkol saan o kung bakit o kung sino... Ganyan ka kasi, basta kapamilya, kapuso na rin. Yun lang, sobrang saya ng pinili mong oras at araw. Breakfast sa Figaro, sa Baywalk! Tama ba yun? Alam mo bang ganung oras pa lang ako pauwi non?!

Pero siyempre, go na rin. Tapos, pagdating don, nabadtrip ka pa nga kasi wala na pala yung mga kiosks at stalls sa baywalk. Remember, na-on-the-spot interview ka pa tungkol sa sentimyento mo sa pagdedemolish sa mga establishments na nakapagbigay ng trabaho, tambayan at pasyalan sa marami?

Teka, hindi tungkol sa bagong kaso o sa plight ng baywalk ang sulat ko. May magandang balita ako!

Kasi di ba, tinanong kita kung paano ako makakabayad sa walang pag-iimbot mong pagbibigay ng iyong kaalaman sa batas?

Dalawa yung sinabi mo di ba? Parehong payment in kind: Tickets at Rackets.

Ayan, makakabayad na ko! Ihanda mo na 'yung brochure at dadalin ko sa Lunes. Bibili na raw ng pangpaseksing undergarments si Girl Bawang. Pangdagdag sa racket mo.

And most marvelously, TICKETS!

Sa September 10, sa 70's Bistro, may libre kang ticket para mapanood mo ulit ang De Kada. Oo, sasabihin kong ihuli nila 'yung Hele para makatulog ka ng mahimbing habang nakikipag-race sa EDSA si Kuyang.

Tinanong mo rin ako kung kakanta si Choks? Hmm, di ako sigurado e. Pero sa pagkakakilala ko dun, game naman yun. Tipong pumito ka lang at isigaw ng malakas ang pangalan ni Choks, magnanakaw na yun ng mic at mic stand. Sana lang, magdala siya ng music sheet. Nakakahiya naman kung didiktahan pa siya ni Deng ng lyrics, di ba?

So, pano, sa Lunes... At long last, magkakasama tayo ng matagal tagal.

Bakit kasi hindi tayo magtagpo sa bahay... pareho naman tayo ng tinitiran.

Nagmamahal,
Japot

Gusto mo ng ayaw ko?

Sa lahat ng ayoko, ang una sa listahan ko e 'yung binibitin ako. Kaya nga hindi ako nanonood ng mga palabas na may prefix na "tele". Hindi ko kayang maghintay ng 24 hours para lang malaman kung tatahol ba si Pulgoso kinabukasan. Lalong hindi ko kayang palipasin ang Sabado't Linggo para lang mapanood ang kasunod ng nabitin na Friday episode.

Ayoko rin ng tsismis kasi para sa akin, bitin naman 'yon sa katotohanan. Ubos oras naman kung beberipikahin ko pa kung talagang mafia si Bektas at battered wife si Ruffa. Although marami na kong source na talagang materialistic si Anabelle Rama. But then, anong mapapala ko kung alamin ko ang buhay nila? Hindi din naman ako papatulan ni Richard Gutierrez.

Hindi ko rin kaya ang makipagtextmate. Ayoko kasi ng nabibitin ako sa pagkikilanlan. Na hindi ko alam kung nagsasabi ba ng katotohanan si textmate pag sinabi niyang isa siyang arkitekto, doktor, pari, tambay. Although dati, noong hindi pa uso ang cellphone at internet, naaliw ako sa pakikipagpenpal. Nag-iipon kasi ako ng stamps, kasabay ng pangongolekta ko ng mga carebear stickers.

Kaya nga gusto kong tapusin 'yung David's Sling at Scrooge Series kasi naniniwala ako sa Golden Rule. Kung ano ang ayaw kong maramdaman, hindi dapat ako maging tulay para maramdaman pa iyon ng iba.

Alam ko, nakakabitin ang kwento ni David at Sarah. At kung kailan nga ba unang umiyak si Lakeisha. Pero bitin din kasi ang pinagkukunan ko ng lakas sa mga panahong ito.

Kaya ito na lang ang aking pambawi. Kung gusto nyong malaman kung "Bakit Walang Makaimbento ng Time Machine", mag-email lamang sa jaja.dr@gmail.com, magrequest at viola! may libreng kwentong tapusan na kayo! Masyado kasing mahaba kung ipo-post ko pa dito kaya nilagay ko muna sa aking online docs repository.

Isang warning lang, ang "Bakit..." ang kauna-unahang rejection ko sa pagsusulat. Isinubmit ko 'to sa Precious Hearts Romances at sinabi sa 'kin ng editor:

Hindi ganito ang mga klase ng kwentong ipina-publish namin. Bakit hindi mo i-try sa UP Press?

Ewan ko ba. Hindi ko alam kung maiinis ako (kasi sayang din ang P7,000.00) o mapa-flatter (UP Press? Futek, first try ko, UP Press?).

Pero hindi ko na pinagpilitan ang "Bakit..."

Bakit? Kibitbalikat na lang ako. Tinamad na yata akong maglakad noon. Kaya ngayon, ipapabasa ko na lang ng libre sa kung sino man ang gustong magbisibisihan o kung sino man ang may oras at gustong magbasa ng mahabahabang kwento.

David's Sling 03

"What's your schedule tomorrow?" he asked without even looking up from the newspaper he's reading.

"Nothing specific. Why?" I asked too.

David then put the paper down and with a mischievous smile on his lips said, "Janice is coming over for dinner. I'm cooking."

I stared at David long and hard. I let out a deep breath. "That's my cue. All right, I'll spend the night over at wherever. I hope you'll have a great time with her."

"No! I want you to be here for dinner, too. So you'll meet Janice. Come home early."

"David, I know Janice back and bones. I can even write a book of your love story. Of how Janice opened your eyes and made you commune and appreciate nature. And from the pictures you've been showing me, I can also point her out from a crowd if ever I saw just her head."

"But I'll be cooking again!" David half shouted the last word.

"And I'm happy for you," I said. To my surprise, I was sincere saying it.

McDonald's became my best buddy, and Starbucks my wish grantor for almost 6 months because David hasn't been cooking since he and Emilie parted ways. He also became a private property of his room. And tonight, the backpack-sporting adventure-seeking cave-and-mountain-exploring lean and tan Janice had brought back David's flavors and spices.

"I'll try to change my mind. Thanks for the invite anyway."

"I need you to be there, Sarah. I miss the way you criticize my dish after your third serving."

A slow smile spread across David's eager face and I was mesmerized all over again. And the "zing!" was back. I could feel a sweet tingling down my spine as he earnestly said, "I miss you most of all."

Elephant Mode

Sa kaharian ng mga hayop, ang mga elepante daw ang may pinaka-evident expression ng emotions.

At elephant mode ako ngayon. Lahat ng puntahan kong lugar, ewan ko ba, pero pakiramdam ko, tinetest ako kung barado na ba talaga ang aking tearducts at level ng aking sigh functions.

Naalala ko si Buccikoy. Siya 'yung kinokonsider kong counterpart ni Ty Pennington pagdating sa fashion at beauty tips. Wataymin is, ilang beses din akong sinabihan ni Bucci na imemakeover nya ko. Napapayag naman ako minsan. Nagpalagay ako ng eyeshadow. Kataling pusod naman ni Bucci si Ces, na gusto din akong hubaran para madamitan ng mas kaigaigaya sa paningin ng nakararami.

Siyempre, optimist si Jaja 1. Barbie doll ako! Bibihisan at kukulayan upang maging mas kaakit-akit!

Pero masarap ding alalahanin yung mga taong hindi nakikita ang mga nakaalsang ugat sa kamay ko dahil enjoy silang kumanta sa trying hard kong pagtipa ng gitara. O balewala 'yung clumsiness at corniness ko kasi mas napapansin nila yung kaya kong gawin na hindi nila kayang gawin--kumanta ng Alphabet Song ng pabaliktad.

Naalala ko rin si Laila, Enteng, Elbert, Macoy, Lentot at Cj na pakiramdam ko e magiging klasmeyts ko sa LCP. Sila 'yung mga dati at minsanan kong ka-jam kay Winston sa Marlboro Country.

Again, positibo si Jaja 2. Kung mag-papausok ka rin lang, sabayan mo na ng dasal. Kung papaitaas ang smoke, ibig sabihin, pinakikinggan ka.

Pero nandiyan din yung mga taong hinahayaan ako sa tanging bisyo ko, pero alam kong concerned sila na baka magmukang incinerator ang baga ko.

Titigil din naman ako e. Naghahanap lang ako ng kasabay. Di ba, it takes two to tango? Akala ko nga si Enteng at Elbert yun e. Haha!

Dagdag din sa alaala ko ngayon sina Anne, Jovil at Manong na kasamahan kong nagnanakaw ng alatires pagkatapos ng shift naming maging callboys at callgirls. Tapos, magpapalipas kami ng utot sa McDo dahil sa pagsu-sundae ng alas singko o alas nueve ng umaga.

As usual, di pessimist si Jaja 3. At least, paguwi, dahil pagod at busog, straight na ang tulog at wala ng time para kamuhian 'yung mga sinisingil naming mga merkano.

But then, nakakamiss din yung mga taong kahit hindi ko gaanong nakakausap o nakakatext e alam kong sinsero pag nagtanong kung kumusta na ba ako. Kung busy ba ang araw ko. Kung masaya ba ko o malungkot. Kung kelan ako huling nagpunta ng Manila Zoo.

Marami pa silang nasa balakubak ng utak ko ngayon. Sina Cucay, Mia, Jez, Gracie. Sina Teindz, Edong, Epro, Glennfiddich. Tas sina Tay Ruben, Kuya Gary, Ems, Boom, Lola, Mash, Ryan. Sina Liz, Lara, Benchz, Charm, Rache, Ayen, Owen.

Elephant mode ako ngayon. Pasensya na. Senti.

David's Sling 02

"What's new?" I asked without a trace of wonder.

I could have said, "C'mon, David. You and Emilie had had more than just a few petty quarrels. A ledger won't be enough for the time when Emilie cursed you for being "baduy" and I could make a list for the hours I spent wheedling that you look "a-ok".

"So, what's new?" I asked again.

David just stood there. An empty gaze towards the image of an embattled butterfly (although it looks more of a cocoon to me) sent me to a wistful sigh. Yes, David, stare at it. That's the very epitome of your darling Emilie. Sickening.

"She walked out on me when I told her I want to marry her."

And it was my turn to give the frame a look. It reminded me of Emilie. Complicatedly puzzling. But at that instant, I thank her. She saved David from a world that he is not ready to be a part of.

And I stared at David staring at the complicated painting of the buttercocoon.

"So, you're free."

Three words. I could have said it simply in two... "Thank God!" but I kept my mouth shut.

He smiled. Bitterly. Then he went straight to his room.

In a whisper, I cursed myself for being harsh. I should have comforted him. I should have told him Emilie doesn't deserve him.

But I was numbed both with pain and awe.

Pain, because I couldn't stand seeing David with a hurt look on his face.

Awe, because I couldn't quite explicate how happy I was that David was hurt.

I know, I'm harsh.

But then, Janice came.

And again, David mutated.

Si Friendship

Senti mode ako last Friday. Isang friendship kasi ang sumaklolo sa kin. Tipong bigla ko lang narealize, na futek, kailangan ko pala ng tulong! Kung hindi ko pa naramdaman na umuulan, na basa na ang rubber shoes ko at nakarating na pala ako ng Shaw Boulevard na naglalakad, marahil hindi ko mararamdaman ang pagod.

Siguro para sa iba, di naman ganoong kalayo ang Sapphire Road sa Shaw. Pero sa tulad kong tamad maglakad, maximum effort na 'yon. Pero dahil wala ako sa 'king sarili, hindi ko na 'yon naramdaman.

Nang sumagot si friendship sa tawag ko, nasabi kong isa siyang knight in shining armor. Sabi pa nga niya, siya na ang magbabayad ng taxi ko para mapadali ang byahe. Pero tulad ko pala, naghahanap din siya ng karamay. Inamin kasi niyang, noong mga oras na 'yon, gasgas ang kanyang baluti. (Sa mga hindi nanonood ng Jumong, ang baluti ay armor.)

Nakalimutan ko na na may problema ako nang magshare na si friendship. Kasi kung ako ang nasa kalagayan niya, hindi singtatag ng pakikiharap niya ang magiging estado ko.

Naalala ko tuloy ang mga pelikula ni Sharon na matapos siyang apiapihin, babawi siya at babangon sa last 30 minutes ng script. Parang sa mga FPJ (sumalangit nawa) movies naman, matapos saktan ang mga mahal niya sa buhay, saka siya gagaling sa pagsuntok at magiging asintado sa baril.

Happy ending. Justice is served.

Sa istorya naman ni friendship, in the making pa ang pagresbak niya. Pero hindi pa nga resbak 'yun. Tamang forgive and forget. Swerte niya kasi sandamakmak ang karamay niya dahil sangkaterba ang may alam na ang dati niyang gf ay gf na ngayon ng kanyang bespren.

Sabi ko nga sa kanya, "E ano ngayon kung sila na? Wala na naman kayo, di ba?"

But then, he felt betrayed. Nagamit daw kasi siya. Kumbaga, pinabaho siya ni bespren para bumango ang kolokoy sa ex-girlfriend nya. Sa mga taong nakapaligid sa kanila. Worse, they're all in the same workplace. On the same team. Not fair. Utter betrayal. At iyon ang pinagpuputok ng butse niya.

Naisip ko tuloy, kung ako ang may suot ng sapatos niya, malamang hoarder na ako ng Kleenex. Ngayon kasi, kaya pang patuyuin ng panyo ang mga hikbi ko.

Nasimplehan nga ako sa pinagsesentimyento ko.

May deadline kasi ako, at hindi ako mainspire magsulat.

David's Sling 01

I consider Emily, Janice and Kate as David's Angels. They came like angels flying towards David, changing his life from next to the other.

With Emily, David became modish with clothes and gadgets. He also turned vain, which to a point became annoying. You see, we share the same apartment. With just one full bathroom. So when he stays inside longer than I, which was most often as always, I was furious … and well, less of a woman. I would conjure images of David applying triple conditioners on his wavy brown hair, pampering his olive-toned skin with mint-scented body wash and…

One time, after an hour-long aggravating wait, I pounded on the door and roared, “David, goodness, I also have rights here! Bath rights! What in the hell are you doing that’s taking you so looonnggg!”

“Sorry, Sarah. I can’t let you in…” was David’s muffled reply.

“Of course you can’t! You’re still there!” I hollered.

Fifteen minutes later, David came out. I was so mad he could have dropped dead if there’s a radiation frequency for anger. But his after-bath after-shave scent subdued me in one millisecond.

Of course, I didn’t want him to know that.

Then, one day, he came home sober. Gone was the skittish smile which was then a prelude to Emily-and-I-went-to-this-and-that-and-met-this-and-that-and-talked-about-this-and-that talks where my oohs and aahs came in perfect timing as he filled me in about Cover Girl Emily Stories.

“Emily walked out,” he said in an almost defeated whisper.

(As usual... to be continued)

David's Sling

First it was Emily, then came Janice. They didn't know but they did hurt me. Not directly though. The way they did it was through David.

Now it's Kate. And the pain has become so unbearable that I hope to God I can still save some face when I have the gut to save my heart first.

I know it's not David's fault. He's been an angel since Day 1. That was when he moved in to my apartment--as a co-tenant, of course. He has done his share, even in choosing the rainbow tafetta-like curtains. And oh, how he can cook with the Curtis Stone skill and charm!

Charm? How can I think of his charm when right now, he's been talking about Kate! And that hurts. A lot.

Emily and Janice were David's first and second heart-breakers whom I know. There may have been others, but as David puts it, they're his pasts. Now his heart is for Kate and he'll be proposing soon.

I can't help but wonder if the proposal would be no different when he proposed to Emily and Jane.

I could only wonder.

I could only breath, sigh and cry.

(To be continued...)

Friday not the 13th

I don’t know what it is about last Friday. What I’m sure though was that everyone I spoke to complained only of one thing–-turtle-fast traffic!

I shared the same sentiment. It was madness. The streets were jammed. My usual 30-minute ride to work became an hour and a half. Not to mention that a quarter of which was spent waiting for an empty cab.

It was one hot Friday. It wasn’t the 13th though but as I gazed out the cab window, each face wore a kind of gloom. Maybe they’re thinking the same thought I was thinking–I wish I were someplace else but here.

The only good thing about that day was the paycheck. I’d be compensated for the first half of the month that I toiled. The bad thing (again?), it was almost spent out even before I get it. Life, and all the bills that went with it, is a total sacrifice.

The day went on. I screamed frantically at my computer hoping to beat my deadlines–or I’m dead. And I lived. I even managed a few hearty laughs, a few good bottles of beer and a lot of insights. You see, when I took a cab to finally head home, Manong Cab Driver, to ward off any sleep spell, tried to manage a conversation with me not at all minding if my answers were as dull as grey.

“Where do you work?”

“Somewhere in Ortigas.”

“Call Center?”

“No.”

“What do you do?”

“Uhm, I write…”

“Really? That’s wow!”

Wow? I thought to myself. Why wow? Hmm.

“Maybe you can write about my life story. I hope to submit it to Charo Santos, you know, win P10k in the process and help my eldest son finish college.”

And so he went on to tell me how he came from a poor town in Quezon. Left his wife, only to come back with her all cold and lifeless. He has a son who wants to come here to Manila and be the one to drive the cab so he could retire. Of course, Manong Cab Driver has all good intentions. He wants his son to have a good education. He wants him to be a nurse. Nurses these days are the next millionaires, he said. They bring home the dollars.

“And what does your son want?” At last, I asked.

Manong Cab Driver went all silent. Then he said, "I think he wants to sing. He can sing, you know. But he’s no Christian or Mark Bautista. Are they siblings? Anyway, he has no future in singing. Nurses have. And he can then take care of me when I’m all callous and old. So, will you write my story?"

I blinked. For one moment there, I had the urge to explain that I’m into technical documentation. But that would be like bursting his balloon. He already had shared with me half his life.

“I’ll see. Maybe your story will be my next project.”

Stupid, I forgot to ask his name.

With all due apology to Manong Cab Driver. If only his life is an application program, I could have documented it.

The Virus

How many times has he dreamed of being alone with her? In his fantasy, he has been her rescuer, her clown, her prince, her one true love...

But now that he is actually ALONE with HER, he is not prepared to play the role of a dripping wet disheveled cursing knight in distress as she enters the elevator.

He then tries to evade her pitying glances. He looks down to his now shoggy pair of loafers. Just a while back, he accidentally missed his bus stop and in the middle of walking the distance, the rain poured out all its mighty menace on him.

Now he is soaking wet.

"Achooo!"

"You can't go to work like that--" She comments, her last word recoiling up and down his spine.

"Uh-huh. But I can't go home either. I have a deadline before noon."

"By noon, you'll go down with the flu and you'd be lucky if you can concentrate at all on finishing your report."

"I'll take that risk-- aacchu!"

"Save the virus and do yourself a favor, go home."

"No."

"You know what, sometimes, you need to think of yourself first."

"How can I do that when all I can think of is you--" He suddenly blurts out. He bits his tongue and curses himself. How could he think that loud?!

"Wha--"

"Ehrr-- I mean-- why aren't we on our floor yet? We're running late!"

"Did you mean that?"

"Yeah, I do! We're going to be really late! Oh, we haven't pushed a button yet, that's why!"

"You know what your problem is? You don't really care about me. Because if you do, you'll listen to me. I'm concerned about you getting sick. And you know what else? You're not thinking of me at all, because if you really do, you won't keep me guessing about what you really feel for me--"

And as he stares back at her sad eyes, he feels rooted at his drenched spot, dejected all over again.

Suddenly, she says in a caring soothing whisper, "Really, please Zach, take a cab, go home, change into dry clothes and be back before ten. I'll cover up for you. Then treat me to a nice lunch later."

She then pushes the "open door" button and waits for Zach to step out of the elevator.

Before the door closes, he catches her mischievous grin that turns into the sincerest and sweetest of her smiles.

Somehow, he feels warm now. Almost dry even. Maybe he doesnt' need to go home and change?

But he can't let Suzanne down. For today, he is not just daydreaming.

First and Last Favor

Leila will always refer to his smile as the Mint Chocolate Chip Baskin Robbins ice cream of her heart. Seeing him smile, like he does now, sends shivers up her spine making her hands and feet cold, yet her heart warm all over. She can’t explain why every time Ned smiles, she starts to feel as if nothing else matters but his cherubic face, and the stubborn “zing!” in her heart.

And there is also his pair of eyes that become slits under his dark eyebrows whenever he laughs. There it is again! His face looks like the perfect portrait of a face all aglow with sheer happiness.

No, Ned’s smile isn’t for Leila. She doesn’t even know who it is for. All she knows is that Ned is now laughing while carelessly clutching the phone to his ear.

The hell she cares who he is talking to!

Hell, she cares. A lot. In fact, there’s nothing on her mind but Ned and his smile, Ned and his laugh, Ned and his cherubic face, Ned and the sound of his voice, Ned and everything that makes the “zing” on her heart sounds like Bach, or maybe Beethoven, or Skid Row.

Yes, she cares. She has a fancy word for how she’s feeling now. Love at first day at work.

But Ned doesn’t. Try with all her might, Ned will never see her as special as the one whom he is talking to over the phone. He doesn’t even know her name and her table is just next his, and it’s her first day—

“Leila? Leila, right?” Ned covered the mouthpiece and turned to Leila.

“Yep, and you’re Ned, right?” Leila said while trying to sound casual, although she felt herself choke.

Ned winked and carelessly shuffled through the papers on his table, the phone now cradled by his shoulder to his ear. Then he turned to Leila and in the most gentle voice said, "Heard you were the fastest typist ever recruited by Butter Fly Limited—will you please help me with this?" and handed Leila a paper with marks and comments on the margin.

Leila took it, read it, "What help do you need? I mean, this is uh—"

“I don’t want to type it myself, can you please, please?” implored Ned as if all that matters to him is Leila’s help.

Leila smiled, half-heartedly. She turned her computer on and waited for Ned to tell her he was just joking.

But Ned wasn't joking. He now put down the phone and turned to Leila again.

"Thanks, really. The truth is, I can't make myself do it. I like it here, you know, but sometimes one has to leave things that he likes to be with things and people he loves," explained Ned.

Well, then, good luck,” is all Leila could say. She could have asked him what he meant but she couldn’t make herself do it. There was a gargantuan lump in her throat, and she was trying so hard to fight back the tears.

Leila ran the word processor and clicked the new blank document icon. She blinked at the paper lying alone on her clean table.

This is Ned’s first, and well, last favor. It gripped her heart with a wrench of unimaginable hurt and regret. She couldn’t still believe as she read the letter in front of her, Ned’s letter. Though harder she stared, words didn’t mutate into a memorandum. The first sentence still reads, “This is to tender my irrevocable resignation effective immediately.”