Tuesday, April 28, 2009

kung masama ang gising

May mga umaga talaga na magigising kang pakiramdam mo, dinaganan ka ng jupiter at hinigop ng black hole. Ito yung cliche na “waking up on the wrong side of the bed”.

Para sa akin, ang masamang gising ay isang sumpa… Hehe. May inaalagaan kasi akong kapangyarihan na kahit pilit ko mang ideny ay hindi ko maiwasan. Nakakakita kasi ako ng mga flashbacks este flashforths (future kasi, ehem!). Nope, hindi ako psychic. Psychopathic!

Seriously though, kahit gaano pa kasama ang aking gising, ang nasasabi ko na lang, “aba, nagising pa ako!”.

Mabuhay ang mga gising!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

“Miss, itutulak kita”

Naranasan ko noon na ipagtulakan palabas. Actually, nagpaalam pa nga yung tutulak sa akin na itutulak nya ko.

Masikip kasi noon sa MRT, lunes ng umaga, rush hour. Sa sobrang sikip, kailangan mo talagang magsuper effort para mahawi mo yung mga tao para mabigyan ka ng daan. Akala ko madali lang, kasi payatotski naman ako. Madaling sumingit. Pero siksikan talaga kaya kahit anong gawin kong sigaw ng “EXCUSE ME!”, wala ring nangyari. Kaya sabi ng nagmagandang loob na babae, “Miss, itutulak kita. Hindi rin gagalaw yung iba pag hindi ka nagpilit!”

As in tulak, talaga! Para pa ngang naulinigan ko yung original pusher ng sinabi nitong, “O itulak niyo yung babae baka mapagsarhan!”

Kaya, yun, itinulak ako nung babae, at may iba pang nagala-pushers din hanggang makarating ako sa pintuan ng MRT.

Buti na lang fully padded ang aking Echolac bag kaya secure pa rin ang aking pinakamamahal na laftaf.

At mabuti na lang din, nagpaalam si original pusher sa kanyang gagawin. At least ready ako sa aking kakaharaping mga obstacles. Gayundin, sa pagpapaalam niya na itutulak ako, niready ko na rin ang sarili kong mabalian ng buto, makaamoy ng sarisaring body aroma, at masaktan.

Magandang learning experience nga iyon para sa akin. Kasi naalala ko rin nung minsang gusto kong aluin si bespren TeBe mula sa kanyang paghihinagpis sa pakikipagkalas ng kanyang bf. May joke text kasi akong nareceive pero masasaling ang kanyang damdamin. Tipo bang birong totoo. Pero kating-kati ang kamay kong ipabasa sa kanya. Kaya sabi ko, “TeBe, meron akong ipapabasa sa ‘yong joke, kaso masasaktan ka. Gusto mo bang saktan kita?”

Ang sabi niya, “Sure! Ikaw pa! Basta after, tatawa ako ha?”

Humagalpak naman siya sa tawa pagkabasa ng text. Sabi niya, hindi naman siya nasaktan. Slight lang. Niready naman daw niya ang kanyang sarili. :)

As for me, nireready ko lang ang aking sarili. Hinihintay ko kasi ang resulta ng aking effort-full journey to recovery. Isang oras din to. Sa tingin ko nama’y pwede na kong makipag-blood compact in an hour. Hayko!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Smiles of a Tot

I have these two pics taken when I accompanied my nephew, Deen, to his Christmas Party last year. Deen is another tot, a 3-year old brilliance who can already read. In fact, he was the one who read the opening prayer before their party began.

As a toting Tita, since his parents where both indisposed at that time (sis was in US and bro-in-law was on an urgent business call) I asked Deen to pose for a souvenir picture.

Basahin ang kabuuan

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Thought ni Tot

Sino si Tot? Actually, hindi ito yung tunay niyang pangalan. Maganda lang yung rhyme. Ang name niya, Loreen, 3 years old. Isang tot. Malikot, madaldal, makulit, masayahin, biba. In short, isa siyang tipikal na batang 3-year old.

Siya at si Datdat (6-month old) ang nanggising sa kin kaninang umaga, empunto alas-siyete. Umiiyak kasi si datdat kaya tinawag ni Loreen ang mommy niya. Sumigaw siya, sabi, “Mommy, ang ingay ni Datdat! Magigising si Tita Jaja!”

Basahin ang kabuuan

Friday, March 13, 2009

The Free Man

He became free the moment he realized he is one. But not after he got lost.

There, along the empty highway, long and wide, he drove as freely as he can humming a song he can’t rightly put where he heard, but hummed it as enthusiastically as he can anyway.

I am free, he said. Free to go anywhere. Free to go everywhere.

On his lap is the map of everywhere-and-anywhere-he-wanted-to-go. The opportunities of places are up his nose that he felt smiling all the way.

I am free, he said. Free to meet everybody. Free to go out with anybody.

He smoothed his hands on his newly bought mobile phone to store all the numbers of those he will meet and choose among them who he will go out with.

I am free, he said. Free to do everything I want. Free to do just anything.

He has a lifetime ahead of him. Only his imagination is his limit in thinking of ways to make his life exciting and fun.

Until he came on a fork on the road. One road northward, the other eastward and the third southward. Of course, there’s the other road that will lead him back, but for him, although he’s free to choose it, he’s also free not to. So he made up his mind and filtered his options: north, east or south?

As if a myriad, a ghost of a man came a-knocking on his car window. He asked, “where are you going?”

“I’m going everywhere and anywhere,” said the Free Man.

“So many in places in mind, but where do you want to go first?” asked the Ghost Man.

“Anywhere where everybody and all the fun is, can you tell me where to find it?”

“Ahh, what a travel you will endure. You have to really go everywhere to find the place you’re looking for. But if you’re going somewhere, I can point you to the right direction.”

“Somewhere can be anywhere! And I am right to go anywhere because I might find somewhere.”

The Ghost Man just shrugged his shoulder and without blinking pointed northeast.

“That’s nowhere! Why are you directing me to a road that doesn’t exist?”

“Because that’s where you want to go. You don’t want to go everywhere or anywhere. You’re just lost.”

“How can a free man like me get lost when I have the whole world waiting for me?”

“The world is not waiting for you. Just someone, but not everyone or anyone. I bet you are waiting to be found or else, free as you are, you can just go to any of these three roads and kept on driving. But you stopped. You want to be found.”

“No one will come looking for me. I am free now. I am my own man. I can go anywhere and everywhere I want.”

“Then choose a road, any road. Those roads have their own anywheres and anybodies,” and the Ghost Man disappeared.

The Free Man shifted gear and started going eastward but decided later that he should have gone straight north. He made a U-Turn trying to go back to that fork in the road. It shouldn’t have been far. He wasn’t driving that long. But he couldn’t find the fork.

So he kept driving, and driving mindlessly he did. This time, the humming was gone. He got tired and sleepy. Night was slowly creeping.

He slammed on the breaks. Furious, mad and frustrated, he got out of his car and saw that he was nowhere near where he wanted to go.

So he waited. To be found.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

pluto, pamahiin at friday the 13th

bukas, friday the 13th na naman. parang nangyari na ito nung isang buwan… at sa november na ang ulit nito! ibig sabihin, tatlong beses pala akong swerte sa taong ito! hehe.

eniweiz, pinapangunahan ko na maging optimistiko. kahit naman paano, nabahiran din ako ng pagiging mapamahiin, tulad ng hindi pagkanta tuwing nagluluto kasi daw makakapag-asawa daw ako ng matanda. kaya nga ang ginagawa ko, song and dance number pag nagluluto with matching sandok microphone. o di ba, effective? mukhang naabo na kahihintay yung aking magiging better half. waah!

naroon din yung bawal daw maligo at magwalis pag biyernes santo. ang tanong ko, bakit? ilang berdey ko na kaya ang natapat ng biyernes santo! alangan namang hindi ako maligo nun? kahiya naman sa nagrarangyaan kong mga guests.

tas huwag daw tumuloy sa pupuntahan kung may tatawid na pusang itim sa iyong daraanan. goodness, siguro kung naniniwala din sa pamahiin ang mga bossing ko, aba’y baka every other day, absent ako. may kapitbahay kasi akong may alagang pusang itim dati. namiss ko kaya un! asan na kaya siya?

to cut it short, ako ang taga-kontra ng mga pamahiin.

kaya nga hindi ako naniniwala na malas ang 13, lalu na ang friday the 13th.

sa illinois nga, iseselebreyt nila ang pagiging planeta ng Pluto sa March 13th. ito kasi ang araw na nadiskubre ni Clyde Tombaugh, taga-illinois, ang Pluto noong 1930. pero dahil nademote si Pluto bilang isang dwarf planet, para sa mga taga-illinois, kahit isang araw lang sa buong taon, kikilalanin nilang planeta si Pluto. at ang taunang pagkilalang ito ay mag-uumpisa sa friday the 13th, bukas! o, di ba kaswerte ni Pluto? demoted, pero greatly remembered.

parang buhay lang yan. ang iyong kamalasan ay swerte ng iba.

pero sabi nga, wala namang salitang malas. ang meron lang, taong hindi marunong makuntento sa buhay.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

sakripisyo (sana!)

ash wednesday nga pala ngayon. pinapaalala na naman ng Simbahang Katolika na anuman ang gawin natin ngayon, ano man ang marating, gaano man katayog ang maabot, babalik at babalik tayo sa alabok.

in the end, ang magiging sukatan pa rin ng buhay ay kung ano ang ating nagawa at para kanino tayo gumawa ng tama o mali. (atsaka pala “bakit”, “saan” at “paano”… hehe).

pero mahirap pa ring sukatin. mahilig kasing magpalusot ang tao. ang unang alibi: tao lang ako. nagkakamali.

kung susumahin, ilang pagkakamali ba ang dapat malampasan para maitama ang isang bagay? ilang luha at singhot, ilang galit, ilang pasakit, ilang lumbay, ilang pagkadapa o ilang pagsuway ba dapat ang hangganan para matuto at nang lumao’y maging masaya, kuntento at panatag ang ating mga konsensya? (oops, hello konsensya! ayan, pinapansin na kita…)

at naalala ko lang, pinaalala sa akin ng isang kaibigan ang sana’y gawing pag-obserba sa paggunita ng mahal na araw. ang text niya, “Fasting and abstinence ha?”

sa tuwing nangangamusta kasi siya, at nagtatanong kung nasaan ako, honest at open as i am, siyempre sasabihin ko kung nasaan ako. at lagi naman, nagkakataon, iba’t ibang lugar ang naa-update ko sa kanya. libis, cafe juanita, metrowalk, bahay ni juan, mugen, galleria, mcdo.

pero higit sa fasting at abstinence sa mga gimik (na kadalasa’y hindi ako gumagastos… hehehe, hindi sa user ako, wala lang talaga akong budget… palusot na totoo!), mas mainam na mag-fast at mag-abstain hindi lang sa pagkain, kundi mas dapat kong ituon ang aking pansin sa mga gawaing dapat ay nagpa-fast o nag-aabstain ako. example, babawasan ko ang pagiging taklesa. hehe. hindi lahat ng tao ay nakakaalam na ako’y isang nilalang na palabiro. charing!

so for now, buhay ko na muna ang aasikasuhin ko. at buhay ng mga taong umaasa na sana’y buhay pa ako.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Maniwala ka nga naman…

Ang saya kaya kagabi. Got the chance to bond with another LCP classmate, CJ! Watta good news she brought with her... nope, di pa sya magku-quit. Good for her. Haha! But the news she brought was more filling than the dinner at Mongkok... She's getting married!

Lotsa best wishes, CJ. Your French man sure is lucky, very very. :) Sabi nga ni bossing, isang French ang nahango sa kahirapan.

The bad thing though was, she had to leave early (c'mon, 11PM is early still). Her fiance got no keys. Lost it thrice already. Haha.

Masaya din ako nung umaga pala. Naka-attend kasi ako ng hearing tungkol dun sa isang so-called project-finisher na naniningil para sa so-called finished project nya na isinubmit daw kay 8layer. Kaya naalala ko tuloy nung gabi yung isa sa mga so-called IT expert na dating taga-8layer (at itinuring na kaibigan ng aming bossing) din na involve dun sa so-called finished project.

Si so-called IT expert sa netsec at sysad kasi yung unang pinaharap sa akin nung magjo-join ako ng 8layer. Siyempre, dahil ang alam ko'y isa siya sa mga partners, someone who is supposed to know about the products, services, projects AND culture of the company, nakipagkwentuhan na rin ako. That was three years ago. January o February ng 2007 ata. Basta ang natatandaan ko lang (at humingi na ako ng kapatawaran dahil sa kakitiran ng utak ko), he gave me a bad picture of the very company that he was working for. Imagine my surprise when he talked about "under the table" transactions. My dismay was from the way he said it. Like it was a part of a normal process in closing a contract. And so, for two months, I stalled and evaded Deng (nag-sorry na ko di ba? Huhu.) whenever she would ask me when I can start reporting for work. Me and my being righteous... haay.

Anyway, months after, during one of our social calls, Deng mentioned that RH was no longer connected with the company. Then a brief story to appease my curiosity followed.

And the rest is history.

Three-year anniversary na pala ng pagtatagpo namin ni so-called IT expert. (Hehe, nainggit lang ako sa lovebirds na nagcecelebrate ng kanilang week-saries...). Nonetheless, with anniversary or non, puno ng re-realizations ang araw ko:


  1. Kung ikaw ay kaibigan (o pinsan, o kapatid) ng may-ari ng kumpanyang pinagtatrabahuhan mo, mas kailangang doblehin mo ang iyong efforts. Ikaw, higit sa kaninumang empleyado, ang susunod na ime-measure ng mga kliyente o kausap ng kumpanya. (Nasaan na kaya si so-called IT expert na dating so-called friend ni bossing? Sana ay natuto na siyang magprogram.)

  2. Huwag maniniwala agad sa kwento. Kaya nga kwento, kasi pwedeng hindi totoo. At ang kwento, kahit pa sabihin mong "Mine is a fact", ay hindi applicable pa rin sa iba. (Nag-uunder the table pa rin kaya siya?)

  3. Gawin ang dapat gawin at huwag mawawala sa focus. Mapapansin ka rin nila kung talagang ginagawa mo ang iyong trabaho. (Salamat CJ sa realisasyong ito. Irerelate ko na lang sa malawakang inog ng buhay. Hehe.)

  4. Kung nasa tama ka, hindi magiging mali ang sitwasyon. At pag tunay kang tama at swerte, pati kaaway mo ay papanig sa iyo. (Ke abugado man siya o hindi. Hehe. Do I need to rephrase? Sige, let me rephrase, "Kung nasa tama ka, hindi magiging mali ang sitwasyon. At pag tunay kang tama at swerte, pati kaaway mo ay papanig sa iyo.")

Yun, ito muna. Kwento lang ito, at ito ang kwento ko. Maniwala ka.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Kalyo

Pangit tingnan, nakaka-conscious ang kalyo.

Naalala ko lang kasi nahalungkat ko yung luma kong sapatos na nagbigay din ng kalyo sa paa ko. Dalawang beses ko lang kasi naisuot yun, pero dahil nga kinalyo ako, hindi ko na inulit isuot.

Pero may mga kalyo din ako dati na namimiss ko at gusto kong magkaroon ulit. Yung kalyo ko sa mga daliri noong nagpapakatrying hard akong maggitara. Noon din, madalas akong maggupit ng kuko, hehe, siyempre para maayos ang mga diin sa kwerdas.

Haay, sobrang tagal ko ng hindi nakakapaggitara. Inaalikabok na nga yung gitara ko sa music room ng 8liens. Naninibugho na siguro sa kin yun at nagtatanong kung kailan ko ba ulit siya patutugtugin, o kailan ako ulit gagawa ng kanta…

Namimiss ko na talagang kalyuhin sa kamay.

Di bale, pag sinipag ako, iuuwi ko na si gitara. Para naman makapagpahinga sumandali ang BNL at si Bayang at Chikoy sa Rhythmbox Music Player ko.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Life goes on, but whose life?

Fear. Now I know what it felt like. The accident showed me fear in the ravines of never-ending darkness. The realization is unmistakable. We could have died. That instant, that night.

I can almost see the headline: Tragedy ended a night of stories, songs, laughters, alcohol…

It happened Sunday. Then the nightmares started coming. It is always pitch black, a cold dark night. I felt like a halloween character on elm street. The waking moments are just as bad. I am shivering cold. Then the uncontrollable tears. Right now, I haven’t gotten over the sobs yet. So I am here. Writing. A selfish way for me to let the nightmares go away, the fear…

And the paranoia that I am not safe outside. Not safe at all.

But life goes on. Of course, accidents happen. The news are full of it.

The cruel question is what then, what after?

Still alive, those I knew shall celebrate our “2nd life” with stories, songs, laughters, and that stress-relieving, pain-numbing, truth-be-told, self-exposing, laugh-inducing, tear-secreting no-care-in-the-world-i-am-free-i-am-wild liquid.

If dead, a day or two of mourning. And life goes back to usual. Yes, life must go on. Ours should too. We’re here. We’re not ghosts.

What were the lessons learned? If there were, is it ours to learn alone?

What could have been learned? I hope what happened doesn’t amount to nothingness.

As for me, fear is leading me to a path of bravery. That road where realizations are slowly unfolding: about people and places, about chances and thanksgiving, about friends and families.

About helping hands and sincere gestures.

About funny stories and real laughters.

About work and colleagues.

I can all recall them.

And I’m grateful that I can.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Choose ko 'Day!

Fact: Mula noong pagpasok ng 2009 (2% ng 2009, hehe), hindi pa ako naabsent sa beer. Ewan ko ba, parang gabi-gabi na lang, sa mga napupuntahan ko, laging may sesyon, e hamak na tapos na ang Oktoberfest. Jan 1, New Year's celebration; Jan 2, 70s Bistro sa pagbabay sa berdey ni bossing Mara; Jan 3, wedding preps kila Annie; Jan 4, wedding ni Annie; Jan 5, 8liens sa Bahay ni Juan; Jan 6, DNS sharing ni Junior; at kagabi, naunsyaming Email Server sharing ni Roz.

Fiction: Lasing Philosophy pa rin. Hindi maipaliwanag ng "utak kong lito" (henyo, pahiram ng iyong legendary phrase... hehe...) at mananatiling higanteng question mark ang katinuan ng isang tao kapag nalalasing. Although may mga basis na ako tulad ng nangyari kay Roz ("Hindi ako lasheng!"), at kay JR (kunwari hindi tunay na pangalan, haha!) na kumakanta ng "Di Ako Iiyak" habang nanglilimahid sa luha ang mga mata.

Fact: Nakakuha na si Momsy ng US NIV. Na-aapprove siya for a 10-year multiple entry under non-immigrant status sa US. Ang saya nga e. Nagtambay ako sa Baclaran Church, nakapagnovena kay St. Gerard, at naka-attend ng misa para sa 3 Kings. Hayan, sana hindi na mamroblema ang ate ko habang tinatapos yung kanyang grad studies. Ngayon pa lang, sobrang namimiss ko na si Momsy. Five months kaya siya dun! Ibig sabihin, 5 months akong walang ina. Waaah! Walang adobo, walang dinuguan, walang seafood curry... at walang bantay ang Popsy ko?! Oh no!

Fiction: Matuto kaya akong magluto in five months?

Fact: Isa na akong misyon. Kahit saan yata ako mapadpad -- sa trabaho, sa reunion, sa salu-salo sa barkada, nagmimistula akong nakakatawang tampulan ng tukso. Kulang na lang, ipost nila ang profile ko sa lost and found section ng mga dating sites sa internet. Kaya nga nagsenti mode ako sa Walang Malay. In fairness, hindi naman ako choosy (hindi talaga!!!). Sila ang choosy. Hehe, palusot.

Fiction: Malas daw ang mga taong ipinanganak sa year of the rabbit ngayong year of the ox. Ibig sabihin, malas ako. Pero sa nagdaang 2% ng 2009, hindi pa naman ako minamalas. Pero hello, last year kaya, swerte daw kami. Ngee, hindi kaya. Kung swerte ang mga rabbits last year, sana nakapagbreed na ako. Haha!

Fact: Solve ako sa ilang natanggap kong holiday gifts. Si SciPhone, si Baguio shirt, si Pink VS perfume, si Red jacket, si Sagada bead bracelet, at si lucky door charm. At siyempre, pababasbasan ko na rin si crystal bead rosary. Sa mga nakaalala, sobrang daming salamat. Sa mga makakaalala pa lang, thank you in advance. Hehe.

Fiction: Huwag ko kayang ibigay yung mga hindi ko pa naiaabot na holiday gifts ko? Selfish.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Here comes 2009!

Whew, and 2009 came! 2008 ended with a blast with our Sagada post-Christmas venture topping my list of unforgettables. The 8liens, I mean, me and my 8layer colleagues, invaded Sagada again last 26-29 of December (twas this time last year that we were there). This time, instead of Sagada surviving us, it is we who survived! Especially, our dear Kuya Willy, who almost peed in his pants trying to hold on to dear life in one of the tricky part of the cave connection trek. Sad to say, I wasn’t there to see it. Our group came a bit later, not fast enough to overtake the first group. I had to rely on the very detailed recollection of the 8liens about the rescue mission. (Lester of Saggas, you’re a hero!) Haha!

Another 2008 ender for me was the reunion of the V5 dabarkads last December 30 and held in our home sweet home. I survived it too! Imagine, fresh from Sagada and from the Autobus mishap (ran out of fuel, fortunately, we were already somewhere in QC!), I was dizzyingly still recovering from the cold (literally!) nights of Mt. Province, sleepy and battered from the long travel back.

I miss my “baby” Datdat too. I’m sure, Dada and Nellie misses her too. Lovely, she is. My “adopted” Christmas baby is one lucky girl. She captured two baby-less couples wanting to take her as their own. If only her true family can realize what an angel she is. Sigh!

It’s already 4AM and I am rattling my brain on what other things in 2008 have been quite unforgettable for me… Wow! Can’t list them down for now. All I can say is that 2008 was tons of blessing. Been with truly amazing people and every inch of them, every experience I had, every memory would take a whole lot of space… yehoy!

Well, I guess, it is better to look forward than look back.

2009, here I come!

A blissful and productive year ahead, everyone!

P.S.
This blog is supposed to have photos… still waiting for uploads… got no cam, yet. hehe.