I have these two pics taken when I accompanied my nephew, Deen, to his Christmas Party last year. Deen is another tot, a 3-year old brilliance who can already read. In fact, he was the one who read the opening prayer before their party began.
As a toting Tita, since his parents where both indisposed at that time (sis was in US and bro-in-law was on an urgent business call) I asked Deen to pose for a souvenir picture.
Sino si Tot? Actually, hindi ito yung tunay niyang pangalan. Maganda lang yung rhyme. Ang name niya, Loreen, 3 years old. Isang tot. Malikot, madaldal, makulit, masayahin, biba. In short, isa siyang tipikal na batang 3-year old.
Siya at si Datdat (6-month old) ang nanggising sa kin kaninang umaga, empunto alas-siyete. Umiiyak kasi si datdat kaya tinawag ni Loreen ang mommy niya. Sumigaw siya, sabi, “Mommy, ang ingay ni Datdat! Magigising si Tita Jaja!”
He became free the moment he realized he is one. But not after he got lost.
There, along the empty highway, long and wide, he drove as freely as he can humming a song he can’t rightly put where he heard, but hummed it as enthusiastically as he can anyway.
I am free, he said. Free to go anywhere. Free to go everywhere.
On his lap is the map of everywhere-and-anywhere-he-wanted-to-go. The opportunities of places are up his nose that he felt smiling all the way.
I am free, he said. Free to meet everybody. Free to go out with anybody.
He smoothed his hands on his newly bought mobile phone to store all the numbers of those he will meet and choose among them who he will go out with.
I am free, he said. Free to do everything I want. Free to do just anything.
He has a lifetime ahead of him. Only his imagination is his limit in thinking of ways to make his life exciting and fun.
Until he came on a fork on the road. One road northward, the other eastward and the third southward. Of course, there’s the other road that will lead him back, but for him, although he’s free to choose it, he’s also free not to. So he made up his mind and filtered his options: north, east or south?
As if a myriad, a ghost of a man came a-knocking on his car window. He asked, “where are you going?”
“I’m going everywhere and anywhere,” said the Free Man.
“So many in places in mind, but where do you want to go first?” asked the Ghost Man.
“Anywhere where everybody and all the fun is, can you tell me where to find it?”
“Ahh, what a travel you will endure. You have to really go everywhere to find the place you’re looking for. But if you’re going somewhere, I can point you to the right direction.”
“Somewhere can be anywhere! And I am right to go anywhere because I might find somewhere.”
The Ghost Man just shrugged his shoulder and without blinking pointed northeast.
“That’s nowhere! Why are you directing me to a road that doesn’t exist?”
“Because that’s where you want to go. You don’t want to go everywhere or anywhere. You’re just lost.”
“How can a free man like me get lost when I have the whole world waiting for me?”
“The world is not waiting for you. Just someone, but not everyone or anyone. I bet you are waiting to be found or else, free as you are, you can just go to any of these three roads and kept on driving. But you stopped. You want to be found.”
“No one will come looking for me. I am free now. I am my own man. I can go anywhere and everywhere I want.”
“Then choose a road, any road. Those roads have their own anywheres and anybodies,” and the Ghost Man disappeared.
The Free Man shifted gear and started going eastward but decided later that he should have gone straight north. He made a U-Turn trying to go back to that fork in the road. It shouldn’t have been far. He wasn’t driving that long. But he couldn’t find the fork.
So he kept driving, and driving mindlessly he did. This time, the humming was gone. He got tired and sleepy. Night was slowly creeping.
He slammed on the breaks. Furious, mad and frustrated, he got out of his car and saw that he was nowhere near where he wanted to go.
So he waited. To be found.
bukas, friday the 13th na naman. parang nangyari na ito nung isang buwan… at sa november na ang ulit nito! ibig sabihin, tatlong beses pala akong swerte sa taong ito! hehe.
eniweiz, pinapangunahan ko na maging optimistiko. kahit naman paano, nabahiran din ako ng pagiging mapamahiin, tulad ng hindi pagkanta tuwing nagluluto kasi daw makakapag-asawa daw ako ng matanda. kaya nga ang ginagawa ko, song and dance number pag nagluluto with matching sandok microphone. o di ba, effective? mukhang naabo na kahihintay yung aking magiging better half. waah!
naroon din yung bawal daw maligo at magwalis pag biyernes santo. ang tanong ko, bakit? ilang berdey ko na kaya ang natapat ng biyernes santo! alangan namang hindi ako maligo nun? kahiya naman sa nagrarangyaan kong mga guests.
tas huwag daw tumuloy sa pupuntahan kung may tatawid na pusang itim sa iyong daraanan. goodness, siguro kung naniniwala din sa pamahiin ang mga bossing ko, aba’y baka every other day, absent ako. may kapitbahay kasi akong may alagang pusang itim dati. namiss ko kaya un! asan na kaya siya?
to cut it short, ako ang taga-kontra ng mga pamahiin.
kaya nga hindi ako naniniwala na malas ang 13, lalu na ang friday the 13th.
sa illinois nga, iseselebreyt nila ang pagiging planeta ng Pluto sa March 13th. ito kasi ang araw na nadiskubre ni Clyde Tombaugh, taga-illinois, ang Pluto noong 1930. pero dahil nademote si Pluto bilang isang dwarf planet, para sa mga taga-illinois, kahit isang araw lang sa buong taon, kikilalanin nilang planeta si Pluto. at ang taunang pagkilalang ito ay mag-uumpisa sa friday the 13th, bukas! o, di ba kaswerte ni Pluto? demoted, pero greatly remembered.
parang buhay lang yan. ang iyong kamalasan ay swerte ng iba.
pero sabi nga, wala namang salitang malas. ang meron lang, taong hindi marunong makuntento sa buhay.
ash wednesday nga pala ngayon. pinapaalala na naman ng Simbahang Katolika na anuman ang gawin natin ngayon, ano man ang marating, gaano man katayog ang maabot, babalik at babalik tayo sa alabok.
in the end, ang magiging sukatan pa rin ng buhay ay kung ano ang ating nagawa at para kanino tayo gumawa ng tama o mali. (atsaka pala “bakit”, “saan” at “paano”… hehe).
pero mahirap pa ring sukatin. mahilig kasing magpalusot ang tao. ang unang alibi: tao lang ako. nagkakamali.
kung susumahin, ilang pagkakamali ba ang dapat malampasan para maitama ang isang bagay? ilang luha at singhot, ilang galit, ilang pasakit, ilang lumbay, ilang pagkadapa o ilang pagsuway ba dapat ang hangganan para matuto at nang lumao’y maging masaya, kuntento at panatag ang ating mga konsensya? (oops, hello konsensya! ayan, pinapansin na kita…)
at naalala ko lang, pinaalala sa akin ng isang kaibigan ang sana’y gawing pag-obserba sa paggunita ng mahal na araw. ang text niya, “Fasting and abstinence ha?”
sa tuwing nangangamusta kasi siya, at nagtatanong kung nasaan ako, honest at open as i am, siyempre sasabihin ko kung nasaan ako. at lagi naman, nagkakataon, iba’t ibang lugar ang naa-update ko sa kanya. libis, cafe juanita, metrowalk, bahay ni juan, mugen, galleria, mcdo.
pero higit sa fasting at abstinence sa mga gimik (na kadalasa’y hindi ako gumagastos… hehehe, hindi sa user ako, wala lang talaga akong budget… palusot na totoo!), mas mainam na mag-fast at mag-abstain hindi lang sa pagkain, kundi mas dapat kong ituon ang aking pansin sa mga gawaing dapat ay nagpa-fast o nag-aabstain ako. example, babawasan ko ang pagiging taklesa. hehe. hindi lahat ng tao ay nakakaalam na ako’y isang nilalang na palabiro. charing!
so for now, buhay ko na muna ang aasikasuhin ko. at buhay ng mga taong umaasa na sana’y buhay pa ako.
Ang saya kaya kagabi. Got the chance to bond with another LCP classmate, CJ! Watta good news she brought with her... nope, di pa sya magku-quit. Good for her. Haha! But the news she brought was more filling than the dinner at Mongkok... She's getting married!
Lotsa best wishes, CJ. Your French man sure is lucky, very very. :) Sabi nga ni bossing, isang French ang nahango sa kahirapan.
The bad thing though was, she had to leave early (c'mon, 11PM is early still). Her fiance got no keys. Lost it thrice already. Haha.
Masaya din ako nung umaga pala. Naka-attend kasi ako ng hearing tungkol dun sa isang so-called project-finisher na naniningil para sa so-called finished project nya na isinubmit daw kay 8layer. Kaya naalala ko tuloy nung gabi yung isa sa mga so-called IT expert na dating taga-8layer (at itinuring na kaibigan ng aming bossing) din na involve dun sa so-called finished project.
Si so-called IT expert sa netsec at sysad kasi yung unang pinaharap sa akin nung magjo-join ako ng 8layer. Siyempre, dahil ang alam ko'y isa siya sa mga partners, someone who is supposed to know about the products, services, projects AND culture of the company, nakipagkwentuhan na rin ako. That was three years ago. January o February ng 2007 ata. Basta ang natatandaan ko lang (at humingi na ako ng kapatawaran dahil sa kakitiran ng utak ko), he gave me a bad picture of the very company that he was working for. Imagine my surprise when he talked about "under the table" transactions. My dismay was from the way he said it. Like it was a part of a normal process in closing a contract. And so, for two months, I stalled and evaded Deng (nag-sorry na ko di ba? Huhu.) whenever she would ask me when I can start reporting for work. Me and my being righteous... haay.
Anyway, months after, during one of our social calls, Deng mentioned that RH was no longer connected with the company. Then a brief story to appease my curiosity followed.
And the rest is history.
Three-year anniversary na pala ng pagtatagpo namin ni so-called IT expert. (Hehe, nainggit lang ako sa lovebirds na nagcecelebrate ng kanilang week-saries...). Nonetheless, with anniversary or non, puno ng re-realizations ang araw ko:
Pangit tingnan, nakaka-conscious ang kalyo.
Naalala ko lang kasi nahalungkat ko yung luma kong sapatos na nagbigay din ng kalyo sa paa ko. Dalawang beses ko lang kasi naisuot yun, pero dahil nga kinalyo ako, hindi ko na inulit isuot.
Pero may mga kalyo din ako dati na namimiss ko at gusto kong magkaroon ulit. Yung kalyo ko sa mga daliri noong nagpapakatrying hard akong maggitara. Noon din, madalas akong maggupit ng kuko, hehe, siyempre para maayos ang mga diin sa kwerdas.
Haay, sobrang tagal ko ng hindi nakakapaggitara. Inaalikabok na nga yung gitara ko sa music room ng 8liens. Naninibugho na siguro sa kin yun at nagtatanong kung kailan ko ba ulit siya patutugtugin, o kailan ako ulit gagawa ng kanta…
Namimiss ko na talagang kalyuhin sa kamay.
Di bale, pag sinipag ako, iuuwi ko na si gitara. Para naman makapagpahinga sumandali ang BNL at si Bayang at Chikoy sa Rhythmbox Music Player ko.
Proud to be a
